Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

Don't Wait On Men To Hit On You 'Cause Chances Are You'll Never See Them Again

Don't Wait On Men To Hit On You 'Cause Chances Are You'll Never See Them Again

This is the ultimate advice I tell each and every one of my girls. You know the different scenarios: you’re out with friends, you’re solo on your daily routine, maybe at a networking event, the list goes on. But then… you spot a man you’re attracted to from across the way. Your hormones are shook. You figure you’ve looked at him long enough that he knows you’re interested. You double-take to make sure and you lie to your friends and say that phrase you want to believe, “he definitely saw me that time!”

Well sorry to break it to you because you’re wrong AF. He did not see you. You did not even look him in the eye. And if you did look him in the eye, according to one of my favorite dating advice books, Get The Guy by Matthew Hussey, the poor man probably thought you were just trying to look for the bathroom. I’ve been there, we all have. And let me tell you, rarely anything happens after the fact because men need more than just to see you from across the room and think you look good.

Why your friends are shitty

When the night is close to an end, he still hasn’t walked over or if another girl was boss enough to talk to him… what do your friends tell you?

“He was a fuckboy anyway.”
“He’s not even that hot.”
“Maybe he’s gay.”
“That girl looks easy.”
“She looks like his girlfriend. Forget about it.”

Tell your friends to STFU. Yeah, yeah.. some of those things could be true but you never know if you don’t try. This is your fault. You had your chance and you didn’t take it. It’s your loss and don’t you dare put down another woman for having the balls to talk to a man she wanted. This is jealousy because secretly, you wish you just went for it like she did because that woman could’ve been you.

Your friends can be a bit close-minded at times because there is a stigma that only easy woman approach men first. But trust me, that stigma is non-existent. In all the times I’ve made the first move, men have never complained nor saw me and treated me as an “easy woman.”

Men need some sort of validation from us women that it is OKAY for them to make that daring walk over and make themselves vulnerable to the possibility we will reject them.

Just as expert, Matthew Hussey, has described in his chapter, “The White Handkerchief Approach” there is a way to master the art of hitting on a guy while making them think it was their idea. Back in whatever year that was when women couldn’t pursue men, when a woman saw a man she liked, she would intentionally drop her handkerchief so said man could run up and come to the damsel’s rescue and deliver her, her long lost handkerchief and feel as if he was some macho hero. Well, ain’t shit changed my friend.

I myself have experimented modern versions of this “Handkerchief Approach” and here are a few of my favorites that are successful when executed correctly:

If your confidence is through the roof stare into his soul

I mean it, stare until his eyeballs meet yours. He will look at you once, but don’t you dare turn away! Keep your eyes on him until he looks again and once he does, flash him a cute little smirk to let him know to bring his ass over right now. And if the smirk doesn’t work, throw in a cute little wave. This is my No. 1 move and as of today, it has worked 100% of the time.

If that move gives you unbelievable anxiety, find a way to get close without being a creep

Don’t worry, there are levels to this. This one is the omg-I’m-so-sorry-I-bumped-into-you move. Yes, you will have to get in arms-length of the one you are attracted to. Whether you’re on the train, at a crowded bar, or in a gym, this is the perfect move. You can slowly turn so you’re facing him in close quarters and cutely apologize (even though you know you’re not sorry), back into him by accident and make sure his drink is still okay or tap his shoulder to see how many sets he has left on the machine you want next.
As long as you smile and share an innocent touch, these are all open invitations for you to hint you’re interested. But keep it subtle, and please, please don’t actually hurt yourself, spill a drink all over him, or interrupt him mid-set. The devil is in the details.

If you’re not ready for the above, here is a practical approach

Just ask the guy a favor! One of my best friends finally listened to me and while she was at a sporting event, she simply asked a man if he could take a picture of her and a friend. Two years later, they’re engaged and I’m in their wedding this coming November.
A favor is just a sleek, easy way to talk to a man and believe me when I say if he’s interested, he will continue to try and talk to you. Hussey suggests to ask him which pastry to get at a coffee shop or if he could hold your jacket as you do something really quickly. But the possibilities are endless and he’s just another person so don’t be afraid to ask away!

If you want to do the least work possible, just say hi

I’m serious. Saying hello is the best pick up line for both men and women. It’s the absolute easiest way to get started. Flash a smile, introduce yourself, shake his hand and get to bantering!

If you literally can’t, get a wing-woman

For my friends who don’t have the courage yet, I do this move for them all the time. It is 100% stolen from Barney Stinson’s Playbook from How I Met Your Mother. It goes like this: my friend points and I’m off to go get him! I pull the omg-I’m-so-sorry-I-bumped-into-you move as previously explained and immediately follow up with…

“You should meet my friend ______.”

All you have to do is walk over to your wing-woman standing by your mans so she could do the introduction. This move is flawless and works as long as you don’t choke and know how to have a conversation with an attractive man — but, more on that in my next post.

Just remember when you try this in real life, and I strongly encourage you do, you literally have nothing to lose. The only thing you have to lose is not trying at all because chances are, you will never see this man again in your life. This is your only chance so take a shot of Fireball or whatever your poison is and GO SHOOT YOUR SHOT GIRL!

Practice The Art Of Conversation On Men You're Not Attracted To

Practice The Art Of Conversation On Men You're Not Attracted To