Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

Date Someone You Actually Like Or Just Enjoy Being Single

Date Someone You Actually Like Or Just Enjoy Being Single

Don’t be Ms. Waste His Time if you don’t like the dude. If you don’t actually like the guy, don’t date him! It’s okay to be single and not date someone for awhile. It’s actually good to have weeks or even months of alone time. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying being single.

I’ve actually dated out of my typical type once before. I thought that maybe, just maybe, I could fall for him if I just stuck it out because he was a great guy, because he would be a guy that would be comfortable and would cherish me. He took me on fun dates like salsa dancing, all his friends knew about me after just a few days, he came to my job just so we could spend our lunch break together, and even offered to fly to the same city as me when I was on a work trip. The only problem was, even after all those awesome things, I never felt like I wanted to jump his bones — I wasn’t sexually attracted to him at all. And what I learned was…

You can’t force yourself to like someone no matter how hard you try or how good they would be for you.

The whole “learn to love someone” notion is completely false. The attraction is either there, or it’s not. I kept going on more dates with this guy because selfishly, I thought that maybe on one of those dates something in my mind would click and I would change my mind. But in reality, I was Ms. Waste His Time.

Why your friends are shitty

Some of your friends will tell you to keep going out with him and give him a chance — to be more open-minded. That you will learn to like him because he should be a guy you should see. Don’t listen to them! If you don’t like him, you don’t like him. It doesn’t matter how good he could be for you if you don’t feel the same way about him. He will find someone who adores him and is attracted to him.

Don’t keep dating the man because you’re bored, or are waiting for rose-colored glasses to miraculously form over your eyes. Let him go and let him find someone who is actually worth his time. And you don’t need to wait until you meet someone else to decide to break it off. The perks of being single are relieving at times because you literally have more time for everything:

Like working on yourself

See my past article about High Standards Are Fine Only If You Hold Yourself To The Same Standard to get what I mean.

LESS WORRYING & more you-time

When you’re single, you don’t have to worry about replying to texts or calls from a guy you don’t even like that much! Hell, you don’t even have to make up excuses anymore about why it took you so long to get back to him.

More naps

Guess what, when you get back home from work, class, the gym, whatever, you can nap and not rush to get ready to meet this guy you don’t even like for the date you don’t even really want to go to. Amazing, right?

Hanging out with friends

Like actually hanging out with your friends and not being a vulture in a bar with your head facing the door to any hot man that may or may not walk in. With all that extra time you can go to your girlfriend’s place with a bottle of wine and just talk about life. Believe it or not, boys aren’t the only topic you can discuss with awesome friends.

Cleaning your apartment

I’m not talking about the rushed cleaning we all do before friends or man friends come over but an actual deep-cleaning of your place: under the toaster oven, the refrigerator shelves, behind your bed, etc. You also know there’s probably laundry you’ve been procrastinating on that you can get to now that you’re not wasting some poor guy’s time.

Spa days to treat yo’ self

Go get those bushy eyebrows threaded, get your nails did, get that much-needed trim on your hair, and put a mask on! Your pores will thank you, you’ll feel better, and you’ll even look better. And do it for yourself, not for no mans.

Discovering new ENTERTAINMENT

Update your music playlist, catch up on your favorite shows, or find new shows or podcasts to spend your time on. Better yet, read!

What I’m trying to say here is don’t pretend to like someone when you don’t because anything is better than spending time with someone you don’t even like. Leave them alone and don’t be afraid of being alone yourself. Just because you’re single for a segment of time doesn’t mean you’re missing out on anything. It’s healthy to be alone sometimes unless you haven’t dated at all for a year or so, then you’ve really got to work on your dating life.

Stop Making Yourself So Available & Get A Life

Stop Making Yourself So Available & Get A Life

First Dates Are Important To Learn Who's Worth Your Time & Who's Not

First Dates Are Important To Learn Who's Worth Your Time & Who's Not