Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

Men Aren't Vampires, You Can Meet Them During The Day Too

Men Aren't Vampires, You Can Meet Them During The Day Too

Please, please stop thinking you can only meet men on weekend nights. Guys run errands and are out and about during normal hours like us! So, don’t ever stop putting your best foot forward whether you’re hitting the grocery store, convenience store, the bank, the gym, the whatever, and most definitely when you’re heading into work.

From Steve Harvey’s book, Straight Talk, No Chaser, there’s a passage describing two women who head to the grocery store and spot a handsome man in the vegetable section. One is presentable with little makeup looking dignified, and another woman who basically just threw something on for the quick errand. Of course, the handsome man would more likely approach the woman who looks presentable than raggedy old Anne admiring him from behind the cantaloupes (< my words, not Steve Harvey’s). Don’t be raggedy, but you also don’t have to be extra either.

Why your friends are shitty

There have been many times where I would get dressed nicely just to go over to my friends’ places. And when I arrive, they’ll answer the door with sweats and a face mask on when it was still only 7 p.m. thinking we would stay in all night.

Instead of hyping you up, your shitty friends will actually try to make you feel bad for looking good! They might even say things like:

Wait, why are you so dressed up!
Damn why do you look cute, I thought we were just going to be bums.
Omg! What the heck, now I have to actually look decent now?
Here.. can you just borrow my sweats so we’re on the same level of outfits.

Don’t ever feel bad for looking your best because it’s always better to be overdressed than underdressed.

Because more times than not, my friends and I have ended up going out to grab a bite to eat, pick up bottles of wine, go out to a bar, bowling, etc., and have had awesome times! But regardless, we always ended up doing something whether it was my idea or theirs. Imagine if I showed up all bum-like and I had no extra clothes or makeup to look like I cared about my appearance? I would have been extremely uncomfortable going out and would have missed out on multiple nights of unexpected fun and meeting guys because of how I looked.

Before I read Steve Harvey’s book, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ended up seeing a hot guy and not being comfortable enough to do anything about it because of what I was wearing. Instead, I was raggedy Anne wishing I had done my hair or put something cuter on. Literally, it’s the worst feeling ever to not have that confidence in those situations. Now, I try not to make that mistake and I know you don’t want to put yourself in that predicament as well. I mean, of course we all have our days when we give zero f*cks but try to have more days where you give more f*cks than not.

Always be ready to meet someone because it typically happens when you least expect it.

This lifestyle of presenting myself in the best light possible has paid off for me in many ways. As an example, it was a normal Tuesday where I had zero plans after work but to nap. What actually ended up happening was I got invited to a free concert and we decided to do Taco Tuesday at the bar close to my office before the show. So, I’m sitting in the center of a 6-person booth and I spotted a good-looking man walking in to meet his friends two tables over. My hair was done, makeup on point, outfit on fleek, and I felt great. Want to take a guess at what I did? Hell yes I hit on him! And we ended up dating for a few months.

Overall, I’m not saying you have to look like you’re walking the runway every hour of every day, I’m just saying to do yourself up enough to the point where you feel your most confident. Here are some of the things I do when I head out:

simple, quick errands

Do not go in what you literally rolled out of bed in with hair-looking like a bird-nest and teeth un-brushed. Put on a casual outfit with sneakers or booties! I typically wear light makeup but make sure my hair is done. And if I don’t feel like washing my hair yet, dry-shampoo is a savior! Or I’ll throw on a cute beanie or dad hat and pair it with lipstick to make it look like I actually tried.

Grocery stores, going to the bank, taking a rideshare, shopping, etc., are all places that you can bump into men. You never know what can happen or who you could meet!

gym time

Please don’t be that girl with her hair completely curled and left down with fake eyelashes and a full face of makeup just for the gym... I get that some people may come after work and they already look like that but please don’t waste all your good makeup just to sweat it off. That, I’ve seen too much and it honestly looks like you’ve just got black eyes after.

Also, don’t be that girl showing up in yellow-armpit stained shirts and holey leggings with unintentional rips in all the wrong places. Just use regular t-shirts with a decent pair of leggings or shorts! You don’t have to spend a crap top on $100 leggings, there are so many options to buy cute and affordable workout outfits anywhere now. Throw on a tinted moisturizer and mascara and you’re ready for anyone you may like at the gym.

coffee shops or work-friendly bars

Whether you’re just stopping by for a drink, staying to study, or need to get some work done, these types of places are where you can bump into someone that potentially has the same taste as you. So, put in a little extra effort, especially if you’re planning to stay in the shop for an hour or so. There’s tons of foot traffic through bars and cafés so even if you’re not paying attention to your surroundings, someone could be admiring you and even end up approaching you.


This should go without saying but I’ll mention it anyways, be presentable at work! Dress for the job you want to have. Your place of work, whether it’s an office, a restaurant gig, a retail job, whatever you do, you’re always meeting new people: on your commute, lunch breaks, in meetings, at happy hours, the possibilities are endless. And you never know what’s going to come up! Heck, I’ve seen so many handsome men at networking events and industry nights that were just spring-of-the-moment plans.

Always stay ready because the last thing you want is to feel out of place or “not good enough” when you see someone you like.

Treat everyday like it could be the day you meet the one and ask yourself if you would really want to be caught looking how you’re looking.

“Put the odds in your favor” like Matthew Hussey says in Get The Guy and give yourself more chances than just the weekends to meet men because you’re definitely not going to meet them sitting on the couch at home (unless your Postmates delivery man is sexy AF — true story, happened to my roommate once).

So, dress to impress and don’t lose a potential hottie to a chick that took the time to look better than you that day!

If You Go On A Date &amp; Don't Like It, Literally Leave

If You Go On A Date & Don't Like It, Literally Leave

Online Dating Tips To Make Sure You Don't Get Catfished

Online Dating Tips To Make Sure You Don't Get Catfished