Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

High Standards Are Fine Only If You Hold Yourself To The Same Standard

High Standards Are Fine Only If You Hold Yourself To The Same Standard

Guys… I am picky AF when it comes to what I look for in a partner. I have an extremely specific type and very high standards, but I know that I can, and I’ll explain why later on. But this is about your picky ass, not mine. We all know the basics of what a lot of us look for:

They take care of themselves

They’re fit, healthy, and look great. They maintain their bodies and watch what they eat. They’re not over here letting themselves go and being lazy couch potatoes on the regular. And definitely no smelly asses — deodorant, cologne, whatever — it’s a must to smell fresh and be clean.

They Present themselves nicely

Showered, groomed, hair-styled, and dressed well. No inside-out shirts to hide a stain or sweatpants with holes in all the wrong places. They have the knowledge to iron a button-up and upkeep their nails and shiny bright smile.

They HAVE a job

Basically, a steady flow of income whether it’s a job for the meantime as they work towards their goals, or if they already have their career. No fake entrepreneurs or bums still living off their mamas. You get what I mean.

They’re independent

He’s got his own place (with or without roommates) and he can pay his own bills. AKA the parentals are not still floating his lifestyle by paying for his insurance, phone, car, etc. But he’s a grown ass adult who is working towards a savings or even better, helping his parents at this stage of life rather than taking what he can for as long as they let him. Exception: keep in mind, some guys may still be living at home because they’re trying to pay off college loans first. But they’re not mooching off their parents for shits and giggles.

Overall, all of us want someone who is put together. But there is one question you have to ask yourself when you’re listing off all the elaborate things you want in someone.

Would a person like that, want you too? Think about it.

Do you care for yourself too?

So, you want a man with abs for days, nice arm muscles that can pick you up, and a tight ass you can stare at for days. Girl. Is you hittin’ the gym too?!

do you present yourself nicely?

Or are you walking out of your place looking all busted with 3-day old dry-shampooed hair, a repeat outfit you just threw on, and rocking chipped nail polish?

do you have a job?

Sure, there are some men willing to take care of women completely. But for the most part, you should have your own steady income and be able to take care of yourself. Having a man who wants to take you out and care for you is a bonus, he’s not some damn money-bank to fall back on.

are you independent?

You expect him to have his own place and pay his own bills, right? So how about you? Are you still getting a hefty allowance from your parents?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard women say how they can’t find a good man. Or how the men they like, never seem to like them back and how the guys they do end up dating are complete losers. To put it simply, you attract only what you’re ready for. And if you fall into this category of disappointment, how can you expect to catch a man who checks off your list, if you don’t check off the list yourself? Why in the world would any man of that high caliber go for you if you don’t even have yourself together? Honestly. You should either lower your standards or work on yourself. And I suggest you go with working on yourself.

Why your friends are shitty

Some of your friends are shitty because they will agree with you. They will agree that you deserve the best even though they for damn sure know you don’t. They won’t call you out on your bullshit and make you feel bad! They won’t tell you how a man who works out on the daily won’t want your “yeah I do need to join a gym” ass. They won’t tell you that maybe the reason you attract mom’s-basement-living-homebodies because you are one too! Or that hobo-looking fools hit on you because you be looking like you homeless some days too!

Be completely honest with yourself. Work to be that person you would want for yourself. And I promise once you’ve done that, you will start attracting the type of men you want.

I did this the moment I realized that the guy I was talking to was not even close to the level of men I used to date. At the time, I was struggling with money, my career was up in the air, my health was not a priority and I just didn’t have my life in order. So, I literally quit dating for a good year. I deleted all the dating apps, quit searching for distractions, and focused on myself. And the minute my career was taking off, the gym was part of my routine and I was booking vacations here and there, the great men were popping up in my life unexpectedly.

Take a look at the men you attract in your life and if you’re not happy, it’s most likely you who has to do the changing. So, either get your raggedy ass up to par and get working on yourself so you can catch your dream man! Or like I said once before, if you don’t want to put in the work, lower your standards because you’re going to get what you deserve.

Quit Ghosting Guys & Tell Him What Went Wrong For The Next Girl

Quit Ghosting Guys & Tell Him What Went Wrong For The Next Girl

Stop Making Yourself So Available & Get A Life

Stop Making Yourself So Available & Get A Life