Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

If You Go On A Date & Don't Like It, Literally Leave

If You Go On A Date & Don't Like It, Literally Leave

Guys… I got catfished… again! But before I tell you the story, let me begin by giving you some background. I honestly haven’t used dating apps for over a good year now. I’m a huge fan of meeting guys in-person and that whole natural chemistry thing. However, over the polar vortex we had in Chiberia recently — where I was locked in my apartment for two days with neither of my roommates to be found — my boredom got me to hit that download button on Hinge.

I’ve downloaded Hinge before but I’ve never kept it for more than a span of 24 hours. My roommate has told me time and time again, that this app is worth it and that you just have to be patient to get matches. Long story short, I kept it longer than a day this time and started having conversations with a few dudes. One guy in particular was very persistent with finding a day to finally meet and so we agreed on a Tuesday night.

Why I’m shitty

As you might have read in one of my recent articles, Online Dating Tips To Make Sure You Don't Get Catfished, I believe FaceTiming is an absolute must before meeting online guys in-person. But please tell me why I didn’t listen to my own advice!? To my defense, through iMessage, he had sent me a live photo selfie where I played it back and was like, “Okay, good enough. Dude is in fact a real person. I don’t need him to FaceTime Me.” Man… I was wrong.

Things started going downhill right when I was about to call an Uber to the bar we both agreed on. It was twenty minutes before I was supposed to meet him and he texted me:

Him: Actually meet me in the lobby of my apartment.
Me: Eh no, that’s a little sketch for the first time meeting. Let’s just meet at the bar.
Him: The bar is literally next door to my place.

Say what? Guys reading out there, please don’t do this. This immediately says you’re lazy and selfish. (Side note: we agreed on a neighborhood to meet at and I suggested places to go to. He said he wanted to go to this specific bar because they had skee-ball and good food.) In reality, dude was just making this date convenient for himself. Anyways, I arrived to the bar — which was right next door — and he walked out of his lobby.

First of all, he smiled and he had braces! Which, there is nothing wrong with braces but there was no sign of that in his pictures. Then as we walked into the bar, I noticed his body was not so healthy like it looked in his photos. He took his jacket off, and I don’t want to be mean, but it’s my blog so whatever I’ll just say it, he had love handles and just didn’t look like he was a guy who took care of himself. So, look-wise, yes it was him, but the photos he had must’ve been taken when he was in his prime. There was no way those were recent. Honestly…

 
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So, after those two long minutes.. I thought, you know what? Braces are temporary and maybe dude’s just going through a rough time? Let me see what that personality do. And this is where the real story begins.

We walked up to the bar and I ordered a drink. He ordered water. And I was like, “Oh, you’re not getting a drink?” He then told me he didn’t drink. Also, nothing wrong with not drinking alcohol, but it was his reasoning for not drinking that was just off. He explained throughout college he was a very dedicated basketball player and he didn’t want that stuff in his body. So naturally, I asked him where he played ball. His face looked worried and then explained how he was only on the team for a year and warmed the bench.

 
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To him I think he really believed that reason made sense. But okay... what happened to the last 3 or 4 years of college? We just changed the subject and he started asking me questions about my dating life. I mentioned something about how I like meeting people and how first dates are good for seeing if you have chemistry with each other and then he came at me with so much attitude and called me a serial dater. Then I kid you not, out of nowhere, he was like, “Well for me, 10 minutes into a first date I know if I’m eating her out or not.”

 
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I was grossed out, so I pretended to watch the television until I could come up with the right words to say. Any words, really. Then as he proceeded to talk, the next thing he said was even worse. I guess we were still on the topic of dating and he said, “There are so many beautiful women online who take nice pictures and look great in person but are horrible in bed.”

Ummmmmmm, uhh…. excuse me? Was that intended to be a jab at me? This guy literally knows nothing about me.

THEN HE JUST KEPT ON TALKING! And he was like, “All the girls you meet online are all cliche, they’re serial daters and are gorgeous but really bad when you sleep with them.”

…..????????????????????????????????

So, now it’s been about 15 minutes into the date. He was definitely trying to push my buttons when I literally have not been talking. I was sipping my drink listening to this person try to make me feel some type of way. And as if he hasn’t done enough damage already with these random ass sexual innuendos, he complained how he could be on his couch, watching Netflix, eating his chili but he’s downstairs at the bar with me because he’s a “Man of his word” and doesn’t break promises. So, when he was done talking to himself, he asked me a question so I could finally get a word in.

Him: Are you a defensive person? You’re not talking?
Me: When I’m in a certain type of mood, yeah.
Him: So what mood are you in right now?
Me: I’m not feeling this.
Him: WoooowWOOOOoooow
Me: I’m calling my Uber.
Him to Bartender: Check, please!
Him to Me: You done with your drink?
Me: I’m good, you can go back to your couch and eat chili.

Shortest date of my life guys. From the minute I got there it was all bad. From his deceiving photos to his assumptions and several belittling attacks, I’m pretty sure he was just finding someone to shit on. That 25-minute date literally felt like it lasted hours!

Moral of the story is:

If you’re not having a good time, get your ass up and go! Do not waste another minute of your time.

Do not ever feel bad about leaving, I 100% didn’t. You don’t owe anything to anyone. And I bet if I would have FaceTimed him, I would have gotten the vibe that we would not get along. That was honestly what I got for not listening to my own advice and just another reason for you to do as I say.

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