Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

How To Handle Running Into People You've Dated

How To Handle Running Into People You've Dated

It’s a small freaking world y’all. And I, for one, can’t even tell you how many times I’ve run into guys I used to date. And by “date” I include those I dated for months, weeks, went on one date with, almost-dated, got their numbers in my phone but never went out with, etc. I bring this topic up because nobody really knows what to do when you spot that person in the same vicinity as you — especially your friends.

Why your friends are shitty

Depending on how you left things with this person you dated/almost-dated, some of our friends are the absolute worst and make things way more awkward than they should be. For example:

  • That friend who doesn’t like this person so they’ll mad dog them like there’s no tomorrow.

  • That friend who’s cool with this person so they go say what’s up and you’re forced to follow.

  • That friend who won’t stop being nosey and rubbernecks the heck out of the situation making it so obvious you know they’re there.

  • That friend who consoles you and keeps asking if you’re okay every three minutes.

  • That friend who will give you the play-by-play you didn’t ask for. Like damn, Gina! I don’t need to know what’s-his-face just asked for a bamboo straw for his iced water with two lemon wedges.

  • That friend who acts way too extra talking crap about this person so they could hear.

  • That friend who will threaten to bump into them or tell them off if you say the word.

  • That friend who will try to help hide you.

  • That friend who doesn’t help the situation and tells you they don’t look as good anymore. You know they still look sexy. Liar.

  • That friend who points. You know who you are.

If I missed one, let me know. Point is, tell your friends to relax. Don’t act like seeing this person is the most important event that has just happened to you once you walked through those bar doors. Here’s how I personally handle these situations:

If they haven’t spotted you yet

You still have a chance to turn around and head into the bar next door. Seriously, if you truly don’t want to interact with this person, or just can’t today, go boy bye.

if you’re on good terms

I honestly just go up and say hi, give a little hug, say what’s up really quick and get back to my friends. Be cordial, you know? There was a point you were in each others lives and if you both respect each other, the ignoring stuff is just childish.

If you’re on bad terms

At least acknowledge each other’s presence. Whether it’s a look in the eyes or unspoken exchange, don’t pretend like you don’t exist to each other. One of you might still be in your feelings so, be kind. Trying to one-up each other or make each other jealous in these situations is just not nice.

if it was a mutual ending

Exes can be friends and sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there. That’s why we date! So, if you’re cool with one another, why not have a casual conversation? It’s innocent and there’s nothing wrong with having more friends.

if one of you are on a date

Please, leave them be. Don’t go up and try to stunt on the new girl/guy your ex is dating. Don’t interrupt. Don’t try and manipulate the situation and make your ex look bad. It’s just not cool. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Seriously, walk away.

Running into people you’ve dated can be a mix of emotions. Maybe you’re happy to see them! Maybe it can be super duper awkward, weird, or even hurtful at times. But always, always remember:

Don’t do something to them you wouldn’t want in return.

It’s all about reading the room and taking each others feelings into account. Again, you were once a part of each others lives. It’s inevitable sometimes so make the best out of the situation, if you can.

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