Currently based in Chicago, IL, Unsolicited AF is a blog by Zarina Mendoza. Her posts take on dating problems your shitty friends are probably giving you the wrong advice on.

How To Train Your Friends To Spot Out Your Type

How To Train Your Friends To Spot Out Your Type

You literally can’t. For guys, I don’t know how it is or if this would apply to you. But for women, your friends are the crappiest at finding a mans for you. I swear, my friends are completely worthless when it comes to me. Yes, OFFENSE. You know who you all are.

So I have a specific type, right? Now, I’m not about to divulge what I’m looking for on here but just know, if I lined up all the guys I’ve ever dated for a good amount of time, y’all not only look alike, but you’re all very similar in what I look for mentally as well. It’s really not that difficult!

But again, my friends are absolutely zero help. There is not more than three times I can count they’ve gotten it right out of the hundreds of men they’ve made me waste my time to turn around for.

And I mean, I’m not just speaking on my behalf! I have seen some real-life losers that my friends have showed me their friends have tried to set them up with. If I had a picture of this doctor that some girl was trying to set up with my friend, you would laugh at the shorty who was double her age, balding, but had “dark features” like she explained was her type.

Why your friends are shitty

Speaking of types, let’s say yours is, I don’t know? Let’s use Avatars for example. Yes, those blue things with the tails. Here’s the scenario, you go out with your friends and there are no Avatars in the building. One Avatar walks in, probably old as dirt, and immediately your friends are like..

“OMG, look at that Avatar that just walked in! You like him? He cute!”
”Umm... no bish. He old.”

wtf.gif

It’s like, they think just because the color of his skin is blue will mean you’ll like him. They would even point out a toothless hobo to you too if he were an Avatar that happened to walk by. But that is not how it works.

What I’ve learned with my friends is even if I gave them the most exact description of my type including height, build, age, etc. And showed pictures of the specific types of Avatars I date? It wouldn’t even matter because they’ll just point out any Avatar in their peripherals. My friends might as well be blind.

So what is this article really about? This article is to teach you:

How to get your friends to stop trying to set you up

Here is what I do. I break my friends down one-by-one and degrade them for every time they try to point out a “hot Avatar” to me until they stop forever.

THe look of death

Friend says there’s a “cute Avatar” who just walked in. Look deep into your friends eyes with a blank stare until he/she second guesses their suggestion and takes back their request for you to look.

the “do you even know me” guilt trip

This ones my fave. So, you’ve already seen this Avatar in the room. And if you thought this Avatar was cute, you would’ve said something to your friend as soon as you walked in.
So, what you have to do is not even look at the Avatar. Just start verbally blaming your friend (especially if you’ve been friends for years) that you can’t believe she has no idea who you are and literally question the existence of your friendship at all if she doesn’t know by now.

the fake out

This one is also fun. Same scenario — your friend expresses there is a “sexy Avatar” in the vicinity. This time you look, but you play dumb. You say, “where?” They’ll maybe point and try to give more detail. Again you say, “where, I don’t see him?” When, in-fact, you do see him and you just want to play up how wrong he/she is. And then, in disgust, you finally say, “wait… THAT ONE?!
At this stage, your friend should get the point that, that person didn’t even stand out in the room to you and they were wrong, once again.

the direct approach

For your resilient friends who no matter how many times get it wrong but hope one day they will get it right and find the right person for you, you just have one option — to tell them to please stop.
Explain it to them in an analogy they could understand. Like that the chances of them pointing out a hot man for you is always like they’re blindfolded trying to pin the tail on the donkey on the wall and somehow always end up at a tree at the neighbors house. They’re just always so far off!

Obviously, there are different tiers of friendship so if it is a bit brand new, give your friend a couple of months to learn what you like and all that. But if it’s friends you’ve had for years and they still can’t get it right? Girl, they ain’t ever gonna learn.

Your friends definitely mean no harm. And you should even thank them for trying to help you. But if you want them to stop, just tell them you’d appreciate it more if they didn’t try to set you up and express that they will still be the first to know when you do find someone attractive in the room. It’s your dating life and if you get more annoyed than helped, it’s okay to tell you friends to sit back on your future mans for the time being.


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